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Comic Press Challenges OC to Drinking Contest

Have you seen that student publication around campus that talks about drinking, calls people ol’ polecats and rips on the Daily Emerald? Obviously I’m talking about The Comic Press.

Still smarting from its dodgeball defeat at our hands, the Comic Press has once again thrown down the gauntlet and challenged us to a keg race to be held no later than June 14.  (You might remember when some of the Comic Press staff made an appearance at our last keg race.) An official OC response is forthcoming.

In any case, I won’t be attending. I’ll be in Prague drinking real pilsner and generally enjoying not being anywhere near Eugene. And frankly, a keg race would be a little pedestrian after our recent victory party, where we and our friends killed three kegs, at least eight bottles of various hard alcohol,¬†about ten bottles of champagne and a few banana creme pies. But hey, good luck with that.

  1. Emily says:

    Let’s leave Pils out of the name-calling. Pilsner is a crisp and refreshing beverage that everyone enjoys.

    And make sure that someone brings a pitcher of virgin appletinis for TCP.

  2. tham says:

    Knowing the comic press they’d show up to this contest with a pony keg of Mikes Hard Lemonade.

  3. ThunderLove says:

    I say we treat this situation like people taken hostage in jails.
    Don’t negotiate with them, it will only encourage them

  4. Timothy says:

    The commentator will surely show up with many more people, including alcoholic unemployed dashing, successful old men who used to write for them.

    Fixed it for you.

  5. ThunderLove says:

    The Comic Press has really taken this to jr. high levels of douchbaggery. It’s not that we don’t want to see who can drink a keg the quickest, it’s that we don’t want to hang out with you guys or be affiliated with your publication. I know you guys are a little butthurt over the dodgeball game, and that we are by far are more respected media on campus, and known for our fun loving booze drinking ways.

    Just stick to what you do (I don’t know what you do since I never read the comic press) and we will stick to what we do (not hanging out with the comic press). Drinking contests are supposed to be fun and with people you enjoy, the comic press would provide neither of those enjoyments for us.

  6. Josh says:

    Yeah, well, i was drunk and i forgot that we were nitpicking all the little mistakes on every post. The “abbreviation” (though the two terms are typically used interchangeably) is still lame.

    And we only have like 8 contributors. The commentator will surely show up with many more people, including alcoholic unemployed old men who used to write for them. If you attended the dodgeball game you would realize that our strength is not in our numbers, but our “pesky young upstart” attitude of perseverance.

    And seriously, the commentator’s layout looks like it was put together by drunken apes of some sort. Full pages of your shitty drawings? 26 pages of jerking yourselves off? I’ve never been able to make it past the second article.

  7. Betz says:

    Umm, I don’t write for either publication …. but I sure can drink alot. Can I be a free agent ringer in this?

  8. Sean says:

    Hey Mr. literate Josh: OC is not an acronym. It is an abbreviation. Acronyms are pronounced.

  9. Timothy says:

    Dear Comic Press,

    One of our publications has a 26 year history of kicking ass, taking names, and wiping the floor with pesky young upstarts who think they’ve got what it takes. And is that Papyrus that I see on the challenge invite? Nice to know we woke up in 1997 this morning.

    Furthermore, while I have to give you what kids these days might call the “mad props” for managing to put together eight pages that look almost exactly like my high school newspaper did, I must note that you are not the first campus publication to run Dino Comics. You aren’t the first campus rag to publish humorous course lists. I mean, you’re better than the Voice, but that’s about like the Special Olympics – even if you win, you’re still retarded.

    And, lastly, keg race? First of all that’s not really any kind of challenge, why don’t you have a drunk boxing match or something (kids these days, geeze). Secondly, I do not note in your terms anything about equivalent team sizes – this leaves open the possibilty for shenannigans followed by claims of victory.

    –The Old Man

  10. Josh says:

    I don’t check this bullshit five times a day, so I’ll make all my comments now.

    1. Pilsner is for pussies. So is Prague.

    2. Your constant boasting and refusal to accept our challenge only makes me doubt your drinking ability.

    3. We didn’t make up a word, it was a typo, and your rag is full of them.

    4. The people supporting the OC seem to barely be literate. And that acronym sucks.

    5. You’re right, you did do an Emerald layout. But ours looked good. And it was actually funny.

    Just to be clear, we do not expect to enjoy spending time with you douchebags. We are selflessly challenging you as part of our ongoing effort to curb bullshit in UO campus newspapers. The student body deserves to know what pussies you all truly are.

  11. Sean says:

    Gsim, we still have to play CoD4.

  12. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Man, the disses just pile up.

  13. Kai Davis says:

    Sounds like you fun lovers still want a go. I take it CJ doesn’t speak for the Commentator staff. Get me some official word and a date that works and this is still on.

    Or someone give me the official word that it’s off.

  14. Carly says:

    I bet I could out drink the entire Comic Press staff on my own. You a-holes don’t have a chance.

  15. Man, this is getting ugly. I’m afraid a keg contest would turn into an all-out brawl between the Enema and the Commentator.

    Just so you know I’ve been practicing my fence jumping in case the cops come. You know, just in case.

  16. Gsim says:

    Hey Jake, you are right I misspelled allowed, I’m also too poor to afford toilet paper.

    Don’t feel sorry for me though, cause Lady Luck smiles on us uneducated paupers. You Comic Press goons are always giving me something worthless to shovel the shit out of my ass with, thanks a bunch!

  17. nike urbanism duk says:

    Change the Comic Press back to the old name and join with the Voice. Call it EnemaVoice and give out free coupons for adult video stores in it. It will be very edgy and the Emerald will do in depth coverage/free advertising of the new “partnership”. The Oregonian has released a A.T.M. picture of the local robbery suspect. It might be a good picture for the Hate issue.

  18. Vincent says:

    Make that [/raccoonfight].

  19. Vincent says:

    Kai:

    We could print a whole 24 page issue of “War on Toner”, and it’d still have more original content than the average 8-page issue of the Comic Press.

    [/catfight]

  20. Kai Davis says:

    Vincent: How’s that war on toner going?

    CJ: Aw.

  21. Vincent says:

    The Comic Press has $0 and we manage to grind out a paper a little more often than that.

    By “grind out a paper”, you do mean “fill pages with comics copy-and-pasted from the internet”, right?

  22. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Uh oh, it’s getting catty!

    I’m going to stop being passive-aggressive and just say that a keg race with the Comic Press sounds about as fun as putting my dick in a garbage disposal.

  23. Kai Davis says:

    @Dane: That hate issue, does it come out this school year or next school year?

  24. Kai Davis says:

    PS, we’re available anytime up until Monday, the 15th. When day does your flight leave, CJ? We’ll battle you while you’re still in town. Unless you’re chicken.

  25. Kai Davis says:

    CJ: I have a loving invite from you to said party in my Facebook inbox. Should I post a screen shot or will you let that one die?

    Keep up the good work of leaving the dodgeball tournament when there is a team waiting to play you. Maybe for your next trick you’ll publish more often than…seven times a year? The Comic Press has $0 and we manage to grind out a paper a little more often than that.

    But you have your awarding winning right wing blog. Let’s not forget those awards. I think you forgot to namedrop the fact that you got 2nd this year in this post! A quick trip to the edit button should fix that.

  26. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Hey Kai: You might also remember showing up to that party uninvited and subsequently insulting our friends in the geology club in your paper. I guess you are a douchebag.

    Also to Jake: I like the spelling of “challenge” in the Comic Press’ blog post. Keep up the good work of getting really angry and sweaty during dodgeball games.

    I also enjoyed the made-up word “frivolty” in the latest issue of The Comic Press. It’s really cool that you mocked the layout and opinion writers of the Emerald. I’ve never seen anyone do that before … except, you know, the Oregon Commentator in last year’s Hack Attack.

  27. […] The Oregon Commentator has issued an initial response to our challange. They say they’d demolish us, but they’re a little too busy those […]

  28. Timothy says:

    CJ – Bring in Ruff. You might need a ringer.

  29. Kai Davis says:

    “(You might remember when some of the Comic Press staff made an appearance at our last keg race.)”

    You might also remember how quickly and savagely the Oregon Commentator was demolished at said keg race against the geology club.

    I guess paper _doesn’t_ beat rock.

    Still waiting on that official response.

  30. Jake says:

    Hey Gsim, I’m assuming you write for the Commentator, considering you can’t spell “allowed.” Keep up the good work in remedial education, you fucking douche.

  31. Gsim says:

    Hey Comic Press pukes,

    You aren’t aloud to run with the big dawggs, if you squat to pee!

    p.s.

    Eat a big bowl of dicks.

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