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Lest We Forget…

Sometimes, living in the Pacific Northwest, it’s easy to forget just how loathsome and malignant hipsters are. They are, after all, nearly as ubiquitous as such similarly squishy and useless northwest fixtures as “fog” and “moss” [Fog is not squishy. -ed], not to mention their close namesakes, hippies. We observe with embarrassed disgust these irritating, unimaginative raiders-of-long-dead-pop-culture pedaling around town on their fixed-gear bicycles, frequently sporting absurd facial hair and 1980’s garb — though neon-colored early-1990’s clothing has in recent years begun to creep into “fashion”.

But lest we forget how miserable and, ultimately, brainless and malevolent hipsterism is, one need only take a glance at the sorts of antics International Hipsterdom routinely engages in, specifically the marketing of designer jeans produced in such transgressive, counter-culture places like North Korea. According to the Swedish hipster at the center of all of this:

The idea for the project was born out of curiosity for North Korea, which has grown increasingly isolated in recent years under Western criticism of its human rights record and nuclear ambitions. “The reason we did this was to come closer to a country that was very difficult to get into contact with.” [emphasis added… also, die a painful death of syphilis, or something, you putrid sore]

Frankly, I agree. Damn the West for “isolating” North Korea by “criticizing” its human rights record. I guess when you’ve had the collapse of Enron happen on your soil, you’ve got no place pointing fingers at all those gulags. After all, it isn’t as if North Korea hasn’t walled itself off from the rest of the world since the 1950’s. Then again, no one ever accused hipsters of having any sense of history — unless you’re talking about what sorts of clothes were trendy from about 1978 until sometime in the 1990’s, that is.

Thankfully, it seems like non-hipster factions in Swedish society have come to their senses, refusing to allow shelf-space to so-called “NOKO” branded designer clothes (if you didn’t hate hipsters before, just take a look at the wastes of sperm pictured in the BBC report). At least one of the founders of “NOKO Jeans” admits that North Korea “sometimes treats its citizens terribly.” Huh. You don’t say. Well, it’s a good thing, then, that a gaggle of well-intentioned young lads decided to give it the good old college try and did what they could to fix the situation by… err… peddling North Korean-made clothing at exorbitant prices in Swedish luxury boutiques (the jeans were reputedly slated to be sold for $215). I’m sure that they really would’ve made a difference if the forces of international capital hadn’t forced their wares off the shelves.

The game’s just so loaded, you know?

At any rate, the next time you see some hipster galavanting around campus, cocksure in his faux-Mercury mustache or her unconvincing “nerd-girl” attire, just remember to ask that person if they’d buy the latest, hippest “NOKO” jeans if given the chance. At the very least, it’ll make them feel uncomfortable, defensive, and most importantly, unfashionable. What’s certain is that the those of us who don’t necessarily mind being used as marionettes by the forces of international capital need to take every advantage over this vile sub-species that we can afford, even if it means making them feel that they’re not decked out in the most transgressive and “avant” of duds.

Because that’s the real crime.

  1. Whoa! Who decided getting real defensive was ironic and kitschy?

  2. Timothy says:

    Drew – I routinely spit on another publicly funded monstrosity – Doug’s MOM!


  3. Irconfu says:

    Goddammit, did Obama start subsidizing hipsters with the latest stimulus bill?

  4. Vincent says:

    “I would never buy Noko Jeans. They’re not vintage enough.”

  5. Vincent says:

    It’s okay, Doug. No one’s going to criticize you for shoddy punctuation. We realize it can be hard to type a proper sentence when your blood circulation is being restricted by tight jeans.

    You look totally deck in those, by the way.

  6. Drew Cattermole says:

    Only hipsters would argue what the true definition of a hipster. And Doug I spit on things that are paid for by the public all the time like paved roads, sidewalks, playgrounds and private educational institutions all the time, it’s not because I’m a spoiled arms-toting student, it’s because I have a lot of saliva.

  7. Betz says:

    On second thought, hipsters cannot be the product of hippies … obviously, hipsters are far too angry and defensive to be ancestors of the “flower-power” generation.

    Maybe some incestualized second cousin of yuppies and punk, maybe … but not hippies.

    Maybe its just me … but I think “Comma Police” would be an awesome name for an indie, hipster band. Either that or “I’m not defensive” would work.

  8. doug says:

    btw, that was defensive.

    I don’t really think Emily’s was all that defensive. Sounds to me like she’s the only person with a clue as to what hipster actually means.

  9. doug says:

    I think by the same logic all libertarians are gun nuts on par with randy weaver and are probably a bit racist, sexist, and insane. The Oregon commentator is basically for a bunch of spoiled college students that like spitting on things that are paid for by the public and yet also use them themselves. The OC is by far the biggest hypocrisy that exists on the campus. Try going to a private institution. Maybe you’ll make a little bit more sense there.

    oh shit I hope I used alllll my commas correctly and didn’t misspell anything you fucking assholes.

  10. Timothy says:

    Emily seems to have forgotten that all hipsters are douchebags.

  11. Vincent says:

    I think it’s mainly that she’s a little shaky on the meaning of the word “namesake.”

  12. Scott says:

    While Emily is jumping on the overly defensive boat early and hard, I don’t really have a problem with it.

    What I want to know is where she gathered that Vincent was equating hippie with hipster?

    I reread the article twice after that line and no where in there does Vincent even allude or imply that hippies are the forefathers of hipsters, though you could argue so. Honestly, I believe that hipsters are the children of hippies in most cases.

  13. Marcus says:


  14. Vincent says:

    Why don’t you go listen to Times New Viking or Pains of Being Pure at Heart and stop being so defensive?

  15. Emily says:

    You are assuming that there is a hipster at the helm of this and that this is a calamity, because now everyone will want to buy some NOKO jeans and shit on human rights. Come now, that’s just tacitly outrageous. You’re trying to blame an entire group of people for the minor fashion blunder of three dudes at a boutique, yet the jeans were pulled after public outcry. There is no big hipster conspiracy to subvert the world with pants. Hipsters in the US may or may not be aware that they are dressing like every other young urban person in Europe. There are business men with neck tats, and middle aged ladies wearing fringed ankle boots, and teens in leggings and hightops. To assume that every person who follow high-fashion trends is a hipster, and to assume that now EVERYONE who’s ever had a moustache needs to get these jeans is ridiculous. The likely purchaser of NOKO jeans is a rich bottle-blond with cash to burn, and there’s no place to find them like Stockholm. Just because there is a faction of annoying dicks that call themselves hipsters and dress like assholes does not mean that everyone with a vintage dress is one. It’s just like saying that every chubby dude with an affinity for cargo shorts and white t-shirts is a loser. Sometimes true, often fatuous. Chill out.

    BTW, “hipster” is not a product of “hippie.”

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