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OSPIRG saves Christmas!

OSPIRG, ever vigilant for the very existence of our planet, has hopped on the yearly toy alert bandwagon. Unfortunately, the report they cite offers more scares than actual advice for shoppers. They say that toys with lead and other dangerous chemicals have been found, but not once do they name a product to avoid. They also warn against toys capable of making sounds over 85 decibels… you know, the noise level of city traffic inside a car. Seriously, do people make toys that loud? Naturally, it came with the standard warning against toys with choking hazard sized parts, because apparently between now and my childhood, parent have started feeding their kids G.I. Joe guns and all children are developmentally disabled. No one I knew growing up choked on the toys we owned, even though some of them were probably wildly dangerous. George Carlin said it best…

Today’s kids are way too soft. For one thing, there is too much emphasis on safety. Child proof medicine bottles, fire proof pajamas, child restrained car seats… and helmets! Baseball, bicycles, skateboard helmets. Kids have to wear helmets now for everything except jerking off! Grown-ups have taken all the fun from being a kid just to save a few thousand lives. It’s pathetic. What’s happening is that these soft fruity baby boomers are raising an entire generation of soft fruity kids who aren’t allowed to have hazardous toys. Whatever happened to natural selection; survival of the fittest? The kid who swallowed too many marbles doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own. Simple as that. Nature knows best.


When I was a kid my parents bought me candy with knives inside it, and I turned out just fine.

  1. Gummo says:

    “hopped on the yearly toy alert bandwagon”????? You did note it is the 26th ANNUAL report, right? And they were doing this back in the 1970’s, it just wasn’t annual yet. They built the bandwagon.

    I would think you guys would love OSPIRG, as they are doing union busting right now at the Portland office.

  2. DS says:

    Thanks, OSPRIG. For those unsure of what OSPRIG actually does, this is it. I mean, I know they hire lobbyists on the behalf of students, but seeing as I haven’t seen anything come about, I’m glad that they’re working on a subject that (probably) doesn’t pertain to anyone at UO (unless they’re buying toys for younger relatives).

    Whatever happened to the “We’ll lower your textbook prices” chant they used to proclaim?

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