The OC Blog Back Issues Our Mission Contact Us Masthead
Sudsy Wants You to Join the Oregon Commentator
 

Attention Ghouls and Goblins

It’s Halloween – the most riot-tastic time o’ the year in Eugene! Unfortunately, some people are trying to poop on everyone’s party:

Here at Oregon, numerous events are posted on Facebook and many more are flying under the radar. Drunken revelry is a definite for this Halloween weekend. In order to stay out of trouble, the ODE advises you to consider the choices you’re making this weekend.

We, too, advise you to consider the choices you’re making. Here’s a couple of tips to make sure you have a safe and happy holiday:

  • Remember, don’t pick up the tear gas canisters with your hands. They are hot. Instead, kick them back at the police officers.
  • Dumpsters, when lit on fire, are a great source of warmth and merriment for you and your friends.
  • Cops only have as much authority as you let them have. You gotta fight the power, man!
  • If a house party won’t let anymore people in, it just means they’re trying to hog all the young ladies and booze for themselves. Enter that party by any means necessary.
  • Ladies: thanks to the wonders of the free market, you now have a wide array of costumes to choose from, such as Slutty Nurse, Slutty Witch, Slutty Devil, Slutty French Maid, Slutty Angel, Slutty Pirate, Slutty Slut and Sarah Palin. Choose carefully; you wouldn’t want people to get the wrong impression.
  • Try and find large mobs of people to travel with. Safety in numbers!
  • That dude did just talk shit to you. I heard him, bro. You better shove a broken beer bottle in his throat.
  1. Matt Petryni says:

    No one’s talking about how the slutty costumes themselves feel. They’re real-life stitched fabric, and they deserve our respect. Cheap polyester is more than an sexual object!

  2. Sakaki says:

    “And be careful out there” – Sgt. Esterhaus, Hill Street Blues

  3. Kai Davis says:

    If thunderlove isn’t leading the riot, I’ll have lost all faith in your platform, drew.

  4. Drew says:

    I am boarding up my house from pre halloween mayhem already. I’m scared to live in west campus this year. I predict a riot

  5. Betz says:

    Anastasia’s columns are always StrgarrrREAAT!

    …Halloween is the one day a year when we can be anyone we want with absolutely no consequences.

    I can’t wait to hear how many non-consequential citations police will be handing out this year!

    I must be getting old and turning into a crank. I never liked Halloween…its just a holiday encouraging people to be more of an ass than usual because they’re in costumes. Just because you may wear a costume does not make you immune from legal repercussion. The ODE can call Halloween a night of drunken revelry – I’ll still call it a night of wanton douchebaggery.

  6. Vincent says:

    Yeah, well judging by every column she’s written in the Emerald this year, Anastasia Strgar’s sex drive is in overload at the moment. The girl is one strong drink away from taking off all of her clothes and begging a stranger to give her a good tumble.

  7. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Oh yeah? Well, Anastasia STRGAR disagrees! So there!

  8. Vincent says:

    Ladies: thanks to the wonders of the free market, you now have a wide array of costumes to choose from, such as Slutty Nurse, Slutty Witch, Slutty Devil, Slutty French Maid, Slutty Angel, Slutty Pirate, Slutty Slut and Sarah Palin. Choose carefully; you wouldn

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.